somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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