Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
