I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
