i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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