I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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