At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
