I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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