the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
