Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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