This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
