i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
