Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize