Sponge bath it is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
