You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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