She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
