i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
