I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
