You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
