if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this boner is exhausting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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