he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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