Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
