I cannot find my penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
