My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
