I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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