There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
