I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i'm inner monologue high
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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