i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
