If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
