I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
