Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
