Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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