We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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