omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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