took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
