Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
