I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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