If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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