my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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