i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
