he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
