She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
