um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
