I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
