Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
