You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
