WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
