saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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