Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize