I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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