If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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