we're chasing vodka with high fives
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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