i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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