Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
