Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
