You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
