ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
