I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
