Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
