i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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