"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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