i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
