I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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