I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
