if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize