May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
