i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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