Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
