btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The ass gains better be worth it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
