i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
