What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
