Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
