scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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